Mid-way through 'Shoot ’Em Up' I suddenly realized I hadn’t the faintest idea of what the hell was going on. I didn’t even care. Now, that isn’t really the worst thing in the world, because while I wasn’t thinking about characters or plot, I was thinking: Clive Owen looks really cool, and when is the next crazy chase/gun battle/fight scene going to be, and - God help me - is Monica Bellucci going to get naked? In no way am I saying that 'Shoot ’Em Up' is crap. Well, not really. Okay. I suppose it is a kind of crap, but it’s a really superb kind of crap. I remember looking over at my girlfriend throughout the screening as her face turned from a mildly disapproving, but slightly amused grin into a full-fledged frown. It’s a guy movie, to be sure.

And to answer any actual pertinent questions about the movie right off the bat: yes, Clive Owen looks exceptionally cool with a couple of pistols in his hands, even when carrying a baby around (as he proved in 'Children of Men', sans the pistols), no, there’s not really much of a plot and even less real characterization, and yes, thankfully, the stunning Monica Bellucci does, indeed, get naked, albeit in that somewhat lame-ass 2007 Bond version of naked (no MPAA-discouraged nipples, and certainly no below-the-belt frontal action), but naked all the same.

So what’s not to like? Well, if you’re my girlfriend, I suppose there’s the pure silliness of it all. The groan-inducing one-liners aren’t too hot, either. I suppose some could wonder why Clive Owen and Paul Giamatti even bothered with the flick in the first place, but I know the reason. Because it’s fun. Damn fun. Giamatti is a snarling and unkempt mess, far removed from what he’s best known for. He even gets a line that trashes his movie Sideways pretty explicitly. He must’ve really been having a blast, and it translates to the audience, I think.

Owen is just too cool for school, and while I hope he doesn’t kick off a run of doing only action flicks, I was really glad he showed up for this one (not to mention 'Sin City' in which, for all practical purposes he plays pretty much the same character). His rumpled, unshaven hipness pretty much sells the movie just as much as the crazily staged action sequences do. And speaking of the crazily staged action sequences, they’re worth the price of admission for anyone that digs action flicks. Throw away the plot because, really, it’s just an excuse to perform some of the most ludicrous and exciting stunts ever put on film. They are the soul of the movie. The opening bravura sequence is really the best one in the flick.

I imagine one could walk out of the theater after that and feel fulfilled and not be worried with the ‘story’ and that would be just fine. But they would miss out on the skydiving gunfight. That’s right. Skydiving gunfight. It is something to behold in its sheer ridiculousness and breathtaking ferocity. It doesn’t look particularly real at any point, but who cares? The entire time I couldn’t help but think: Clive Owen could kick Daniel Craig’s ass in a Bond-fight. The movie isn’t for everyone. But if you’re looking for a no-brainer trashy good time and yearn for the Schwarzenegger and John Woo pics of yesteryear with tongues firmly implanted in cheeks, check out 'Shoot ’Em Up' before it disappears from theaters altogether. You may need some earplugs going in and some aspirin coming out, but the film’s title, for once, doesn’t lie.